“Surround yourself with wonderful people.” — Shirley Johnson
Some weeks I think about how much of my wellbeing has been written by the people I have chosen to spend time with. The friends who picked up the phone when my voice was wobbling. The ones who knew when to just sit quietly. The ones who loved me into believing I was capable of something I could not yet see.
I bet you have your own version of that list. Hold them in your heart for a moment. They are part of why you are still standing.
This is the fourth of the six mantras Shirley shared with me. (If you missed the introduction to Shirley and her six mantras, you can find that story on the blog.) On the surface, it sounds like simple, almost grandmotherly advice. “Surround yourself with wonderful people.” But the more I sit with Shirley, the more I see that this one is medicine, not garnish.
Here is what makes Shirley wise. She does not say, “be friendly to everyone.” She does not say, “tolerate everyone.” She says surround. The word matters. Surround is what you let close. Surround is what shapes the air you breathe every day. Surround is the company your spirit keeps.
We get to choose that.
That truth alone has changed my life more than once.
Now, for the part that has lived in my heart since the day Shirley told me. She has a sister named Joan. Joan once said to her, “You have silver friends and gold friends. You are my gold friend, my treasure.” When Shirley shared that with me, I caught my breath. It is one of those phrases that lands like a song you have heard in another lifetime.
Silver friends. Gold friends.
Both are gifts. Silver friends are the good ones. The ones who show up when you call. The ones who shine in their own way. We need silver friends. The world is warmer because of them.
Gold friends are the treasures. They are the ones whose presence in your life feels like a soft place to land. The ones whose voice on the phone makes you exhale. The ones who know your story and choose you anyway. The ones you would call from anywhere in the world at three in the morning if you needed to.
If you are reading this and a name just came to mind, that is your gold friend. Hold them in your heart for a long second. Then tell them.
Here is what I am noticing as I unpack Shirley’s wisdom this week. There are three quiet practices in this mantra, and I am leaning into all three.
- Notice your gold friends.
Many of us do not actually pause to name them. Life keeps us moving, and the people who hold us up become invisible because they are always there. Today, take five quiet minutes and write down the names of your gold friends. Just write. You will be surprised what comes up. Gratitude is a doorway, and naming opens it.
- Tend the surround.
We get to be intentional about who we let close. That sounds harsh until you remember that the people closest to us are shaping our nervous systems every day. Tending the surround means putting more love and time into the people who lift us up, and being honest about the relationships that consistently leave us depleted. This is not about cutting people off. It is about choosing where to plant our deepest roots.
- Be someone’s gold friend.
This is the part that turns the mantra into a circle. We are not just looking for wonderful people. We are also being them. Are we showing up when our people call? Are we remembering things they told us last month? Are we choosing them, again, on purpose? The world needs more gold friends. We get to be that for someone today.
There is something else worth saying. Loneliness is not a character flaw. It is a season many of us move through, especially as our lives shift. Kids leave. Loved ones move. Friendships drift. The neighborhood changes. If you are in a season where your circle feels thin, please hear this: you are not behind, and you are not alone. The path forward is not to find perfect people. The path is to keep showing up to the ones in front of you, with kindness and curiosity, and to let life slowly draw your gold friends to you. They are coming. They might already be there in a form you have not yet recognized.
This is also why Standing Tall exists. We are a community built around the truth that we heal in good company. None of us were meant to do this alone. Standing tall is a posture we hold together, with arms linked, hearts open, and warmth circling. When we surround ourselves with wonderful people, we get well. And we get better at being well for others.
So here is my invitation today, two parts. First, name a gold friend. Just one. In your heart, right now. Second, before the day is over, tell them. A text. A voice memo. A handwritten note. A phone call out of nowhere. The simplest words land deepest. “I was thinking about you. You are my gold friend.”
If that one act stirred something in you, I invite you to come closer to our community. Share this with someone who has been on your mind. Reach out to the wise soul who has been holding you up. And if you feel called to support our community in any way, with your time, attention, words, or a contribution, we welcome you with arms wide open. Every gold friendship we tend lights up the rest of us too.
Next week we open Mantra Five: “Remember, there are many people with bigger problems than yours.” It is gentler than it sounds, and it has a beauty I cannot wait to share.
Until then, may your gold friends know they are gold.
With love,
Colleen
