“Remember, there are many people with bigger problems than yours.” — Shirley Johnson
I want to start this one carefully. This mantra has, in some seasons of my life, landed sideways. If you have ever been told “well, somebody has it worse” while you were in real pain, you know what I mean. It can sound like the door of compassion closing instead of opening.
So I want to share this one as Shirley actually offers it. Because in Shirley’s voice, it is not dismissive. It is generous. And there is a difference.
This is the fifth of the six mantras Shirley shared with me. (If you missed the introduction to Shirley and her six mantras, you can find that story on the blog.) Shirley has lived through real loss. Real heartache. Real seasons that broke her open. And out of that life, she offers this mantra not as a slap to anyone’s grief, but as a hand. A hand reaching across her own life and pointing gently at all the rest of life out there.
“Remember, there are many people with bigger problems than yours.”
Here is what I have come to understand. This mantra is not “your pain does not count.” It is something much truer. It is, “your pain is part of a much bigger ocean, and remembering that connects you to all of us instead of isolating you in your own.”
That reframe has changed how I receive this one.
Let me share three movements I find in this mantra. They work in this order, because the order matters.
- First, honor your own pain.
Whatever you are carrying, please know it counts. Your tender heart matters. Your hard week matters. Your worry matters. We do not skip this step. We do not bypass our own humanity to get to the lesson. Shirley’s wisdom never asks us to. It asks us to start exactly where we are, holding our own truth gently.
- Then, look up and around.
After we have sat with our own pain long enough to honor it, we lift our eyes. We remember that other hearts are also carrying. The friend down the street who is quietly battling something we cannot see. The family across the world whose grief is fresh today. The person right behind us in the grocery line who is having the worst Tuesday of their year. The window of remembering opens, and the world widens.
This is where the medicine starts to work. Not by making our pain smaller, but by making our heart bigger. We are no longer alone in the hurt. We are joined to all of it.
- Then let compassion turn into action.
This is the part that turns the mantra from a thought into a practice. Once we have remembered, the next step is small and beautiful. We do one thing for someone else. Not as a project. Not as proof of our goodness. Just as a quiet response to the bigger picture we just remembered.
A text to a friend who is grieving. A meal to a neighbor who is recovering. A few dollars sent to a cause that breaks our heart. A real conversation with the person at the register. A note to the friend whose name has been on our heart all week. Something. The size does not matter. The love does.
Here is what I have noticed. When I let compassion turn into action, my own pain almost always softens. Not because the pain was not real. It was. It is. But because I have remembered I am part of something larger, and I am allowed to be both held and helpful at the same time.
There is a quieter truth underneath this mantra too. The Power breathing through us is breathing through everyone. The same steady presence that is holding me through my hard week is holding the family in the news. It is holding the stranger in line. It is holding the friend who has not picked up the phone in a while. Remembering this connects us. We are never as alone in our pain as our pain wants us to feel.
There is also a practical truth. Research has shown again and again that one of the most reliable ways to ease our own suffering is to help someone else. Service is medicine. Compassion is medicine. Connection is medicine. Shirley already knew this. She just lived it.
So today, if you are in a tender place, please honor that first. Hand on your heart. A slow breath. Tell yourself, my pain is real, and it counts.
Then, when you are ready, lift your eyes. Notice one person whose load is heavy today. Send them something small. A text, a prayer, a meal, a wave, a few dollars, a real moment of attention. Let your compassion become action, even in a tiny way.
You will feel it. I promise.
This is what Standing Tall is built on. A community that holds each other through the hard weeks, lifts each other into the next chapter, and stands together when one of us cannot quite stand alone yet. We are stronger together. The bigger picture, when we remember it, becomes the very thing that holds us.
If something in this stirred you, I invite you to come closer. Share this with someone whose heart is heavy this week. Reach out to a neighbor who has been quiet. And if you feel called to support our community in any way, with your time, attention, words, or a contribution, we welcome you with arms wide open. Every act of compassion adds up to a world that holds us better.
Next week we close the series with Mantra Six: “Be grateful for the love of your family.” It is the sweet finale, and I will be tying all six mantras together in one final note.
Until then, may your pain be honored, and may your eyes find the bigger horizon.
With love,
Colleen
